Coney & Tate

Blogging on the royal throne

2007-03-17T13:19:00.000-07:00

Never underestimate the convenience of a lap top.

I write almost all my posts while sitting on the toilet. It keeps my mind off how slow things are moving.

I can visit your blogs and leave you comments, and you don't even know that my pants are usually around my ankles.

Plus I've got the sink right next to me. I've got water incase I start to dehydrate from all the booze and salty peanuts I had for breakfast.

It works for me. And since I'm nowhere near completion of my project going on at the toilet, I have time to search the internet for toilet pictures--one of my favorite past times. Toilet pictures are always funny.

ouch.

That's hot!

That's a big old freakin toilet.

I love murals on trucks

2007-03-16T10:56:00.000-07:00

It's me. Coney. Here's what I wanted to tell you today.

I'm a HUGE fan of air brushed murals on tailgates of trucks. These are some of my favorites. Especially the one in the middle of roaming cattle.

Around town I've seen two really cool ones. One was a really elaborate painting of the Latino star Selena. Except she was a mermaid from the waist down, and it looked like she was in the water. But I knew it was supposed to be Selena because it looked just like her and half of the tailgate was air brushed with her name. There was also a case of Coors beer painted next to her. Loved it.

The other one was on a minivan. There was a desert scene painted on it with a coyote howling at the moon and some cactus, but inside the scene was the exact same minivan! It was a picture of the van on the van! That was cool.

When I save up enough money, I'm going to have a picture of my truck painted on my truck. And if you look really closely, you'll be able to see that the painted truck has a picture on it of my truck. It's gonna rock. Three trucks on one truck! I haven't decided what the rest of the scene will be. I need to have a portable potty on there somewhere or else it won't make sense. It is a company truck.

And I'm going to have CONEY painted down one side with skulls coming out of each letter.

I'll post pictures when I get it done!

Dirty Dominoes

2007-03-13T06:12:00.001-07:00

Tate here...

Okay. I understand you don't want to violate your contract. Fair enough. From now on, I'm only going to shoot the breeze, look to the future and try to forget about the past...

Remember that time that the event security told us we needed to "dial it back a few clicks" after moshing with cleats on? So we waited until they thought we were cool and went and tipped over all the portapotties like dominoes. Man, it took awhile to get them all separated a little so that would work, but it was totally worth it.

Wasn't that when you decided that being covered in shit wasn't as bad as everyone thinks, and you could create a vast portapot conglomerate? Ahhh, good times.

And then the cops didn't want us in the holding cell because we were making all the other drunks puke their guts out. So we got off scott free. I mean, that's a success story if I've ever heard one.

I guess I'll try to only forget about the painful parts of our past, good buddy!

Idaho is picky

2007-03-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

As you know, I own my own portable potty biz. The nice blogger lady at Oh the Joys wrote a post about Idaho. In attempt to grab her attention, I opened my pie hole and spewed that Idaho had different regulations on portable potty systems than other states. She asked me to elaborate, but that's really all I knew.

I thought that would be enough for her and that I could get a foot in the door for a date, but then she suggested I do some research and write a post about Idaho portable potty regulations.

Here's what I learned.

Idaho says that sewage carries disease and is harmful to people, aquatic plants, and animals.
Untreated discharge from just one weekend jam fest has as much bacterial pollution as the treated sewage of 10,000 people.
Human sewage and garbage harms wildlife and kills fish.
Human sewage can transmit diseases like hepatitis, typhoid, and cholera to swimmers.
Over time, water from lakes and rivers seeps into
groundwater—the water we drink.

That's why Idaho wouldn't want me to just dump the potty over and let the sewage seep into the ground. Sucks for Idaho porta-potty businesses because it's much faster to dump the unit over and spray it out with a water hose before the next carnival or concert.

Apparently Idaho gets all picky and expects "proper" disposal of human waste.

I am against whiny ass cry babies

2007-03-12T11:46:00.000-07:00

Coney here--it has been brought to my attention that this blog is confusing.

Well, you've got Tate to thank for that. Tate is my co-author on this blog. We had a fight and he was banned from the blog for five days. He called in Jess--my temporary co-author--to mediate, and Jess is doing a piss poor job.

So there it is in a nutshell. This blog was supposed to be where Tate and I talk about how interesting we are. HE'S using it as a place to air our dirty laundry.

About the apology Jess is waiting for me to give Tate--I can not apologize to Tate because I signed a contract with myself two years ago that said I can not apologize to whiny ass cry babies. To apologize to Tate would be violating that contract.

Keep your eye on the prize Jess and Tate! We are NOT breaking up the blog! And take my dumb dog! I said I didn't want it! I'm boxing it up for Fred Wong/Wrong if you don't get it by tonight.

Healing

2007-03-10T10:29:00.000-08:00

I finally got Tate to come to the computer, only to find that you had posted pictures of Ohno. HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO TATE? You know shi-theed was the runt of that same litter! That was just cruel Coney, I don't care how much you want to get rid of the dog...

Oh, wait, I just had an i-d. Maybe Tate would like to adopt shi-theed's big brother. This might be just the bridge to healing that we need. Maybe if you make a concerted plea on the blog, Tate will be moved. I think I can get him back one more time, if I tell him there's a surprise.

Please Coney, if you ever had any feelings for either one of us, please, give it a try!

Free dog for free

2007-03-10T06:27:00.000-08:00

SCORE! Queen of Mayhem said she'd love to see pictures of my dog OhNO! I think she wants him!

Incase you haven't heard, I want to get rid of my dog. I'll box him up and send him ANYWHERE! You don't even have to prove that you'll provide a good home!

He's got a beautiful smile. Do you want my dog?

Low blow, and not the good kind...

2007-03-09T02:57:00.000-08:00

Tate is coming along. He was in his orchards and groves yesterday. At about noon he finally stopped screaming God d#mn you Coney, so that's good. He's glad that this gave him a chance to pick up the fall leaves that the guest workers missed. But he's still very disturbed at Coney's threat to Gut him like a pig. You know any reference to pork unsettles him because of that time in the fifth grade.

You know that Coney. It was a low blow. But over all, he's coming along in his stages of grief. I'll keep you posted. Get it, posted?

Street mattresses are my hobby

2007-03-08T10:54:00.000-08:00

Just 4 the record, there IS a Tate. I'm not some weird blogger who has conversations/arguments/fist fights with myself.

Tate's not talking 2 me right now, so Jess has signed up 2 help us out and be a guest blogger until Tate returns. Sorry for the confusion. We're off 2 a shaky start. Blogging is harder than I thought. I don't know how other bloggers can post their grocery list and make it seem interesting.

Tho I am new to blog writing, I have been reading blogs 4 a long time. I should talk about myself and my interests.

If you'll notice, 2 the right of this post are 2 new links. 1 is 4 Space Monkey Mafia n-case u were wondering. Dang it! This typing numbers for words isn't any easier than typing the actual words!!!

Anyway the other link is about street mattresses which is what I would like to talk to you about today.

Looking for mattresses in the street is more than just a hobby. You have to be committed because mattresses don't just show up when you're in the mood to think about them. You have to be ready to hoist one onto the hood of your car even if you're on the way to dinner or a movie.

Luckily I own my own biz. I drive around a lot during the day, and I use the company truck to haul the mattresses I find. Plus, I know the boss, and the boss is cool with me being late. Heh heh.

What do I do with them once I've got them?

Where do I store them?

How do I lift them by myself?

Well, those are posts for another time. I can't tell you everything about myself at once or you won't have any need to come back.

For now, here are some pictures. I wish they were bigger, but I have not figured this whole thing out yet.

Below is a picture of my nephew. I told him to stay with the mattress until I could

get the truck.

Here is a good place to find discarded mattresses.

I don't remember why this is in my mattress photo series.

This girl was considering taking this mattress, but I screamed, "That's my mattress!" It didn't scare her away, but I kept taking pictures of her threatening I would show them to the police, so she left.
That's my nephew again. He was telling her things they could use the mattress for, but she wasn't interested.

That's all I have to say right now about mattresses, but there's a lot more where that came from.

Losers

2007-03-08T06:16:00.000-08:00

Thank you Coney, for calling. It was a much better choice than the last time this happened. Tate agreed that I could mediate, and be a part of the blog...BONUS! Y'all have always been great together, and I'm happy to be in on the fun. I gotta go to work now, but I'll be sure and work on patching things up. I managed to get Tate to come down off the roof of the barn last night, so we're headed in the right direction

Don't worry

2007-03-07T20:22:00.000-08:00

I want to tell everybody that even though Tate and I sometimes disagree or use physical violence to prove a point, we are still friends to the end. Tate knows more about trees than anyone I know. And peanut farming. Tate is a great peanut farmer who is a vision in spandex. Even though Tate called me a jerk in a comment already doesn't mean we're breaking up the blog.

We are NOT breaking up the blog!

So Honored

2007-03-07T18:09:00.000-08:00

I can't believe that ol' dog Coney asked me to come around and shoot the bull on this blog! It was quite an exercise getting clearance to come on here! But now I'm here, and that's what matters. How ya been Coney?!

Hey, here's something interesting. Take a look at my brother's latest girlfriend. I'm kinda nervous about Thanksgiving!

Just tokin and jokin! Latas!

My stupid dog

2007-03-07T17:20:00.000-08:00

I spent the last two hours looking for my dog! I hate that dog. I don't know why I keep looking for it. Times like these make me wish I hadn't named him Oh NO!

That was my first reaction when my ex-fiance gave him to me since I never wanted a dog. We thought it would be funny to name him Oh No! But wandering around the neighborhood looking in neighbor's bushes and back yards yelling Oh No! made me look stupid.

My friend was over, and she didn't know where her cat Holy Crap was, so luckily she walked the hood with me. I didn't look as stupid with her there. At least I wasn't looking in bushes yelling, "Holy Crap!"

Ooops, gotta go tend to a port-a-potty emergency. Bye.

I can't believe it

2007-03-07T14:33:00.000-08:00

This is so frickin' righteous. I can't believe I got a blog. I don't have anything 2 say yet. This is harder than I thought. I'll come back when I think of something 2 say.